Joman

I always end up getting stalked by people who can’t get a single like on anything they post but think they’re really sticking it to me by sharing what I write and giving me more attention.

“No mention need be made of the lying Marxist Press. To them the spreading of falsehood is as much a vital necessity as the mouse is to a cat. Their sole task is to break the national backbone of the people." Believe it or not, this is an actual quote from Hitler’s “Mein Kampf,” and not just some deluded pseudo-intellectual MAGA on Twitter. “BuT wE’rE nOt NaZiS!” The fuck you’re not.

Every day, when I wake up and make my morning coffee, I sit down on Facebook to play a quick round of a little game called Right-Wing Dipshit Logical Fallacy Comment Bingo. What did I get today? A “you need help” or a “you’re so hateful for hating Nazis?” How about a “both sides are the same” or a “the same could be said about the ‘left?” If I’m really lucky, I’ll get a “you’re wrong 😂😂😂😂😂😂!!!2” Not much of a game of Bingo because it’s literally always the same 5 answers, but entertaining nonetheless.

This “far-left” narrative the media is trying to peddle is amusing. Who is the “far-left,” exactly? The overwhelming majority who don’t like Nazis? Those among us who stand up to them and vastly outnumber them in the streets? Us evil wordsmiths with our facts and logic? The “Communists” and “socialists” who want people to have education and healthcare? Who are these insidious “far-leftists” I’ve heard so much about? They’re certainly not the ones SHOOTING UP SCHOOLS AND MAILING PACKAGE BOMBS TO JOURNALISTS. God, this is the stupidest period in history.

Fuck it. Maybe it IS all Doom’s fault, guys. There was Doom, then there was Columbine, then there was 9/11, and here we are. DAMN YOU, JOHN CARMACK! YOU MANIAC! YOU BLEW IT UP! GOD DAMN YOU TO HELLLLLLL!!!

If any right-winger cared about being categorized as a Nazi, they would distance themselves from the party currently being supported by Nazis. It’s that fucking simple. But they don’t care. They tell themselves, “I’m not like the others!” Or, “they’re just flying Swastikas to own the libs, they don’t mean it!” Right-wing meta trolling is just another fascist tactic. “I’m not really a Nazi! I’m just doing this to prove a point about freedom!” Bullshit. You’re not a subversive genius. You’re not Terry Gilliam directing “Brazil.” You just want to piss off as many people as possible because you have no other redeeming qualities. It’s why you elected a troll as President. And now he’s doing your troll bidding. Which is fucking fascism. But we’re supposed to believe you’re cool with that and you’re simultaneously not fascists, and racists, right? As if the one token black Republican just left the party for no reason. And then the President bitched about it. I mean, come on. How dense do you have to be to not put 2 and 2 together? Regardless of what is happening in Washington, both “sides” of this false political dichotomy are not “the same.” As soon as you make “winning” your mantra above being a good person, you’re a fascist. Regardless of what you thought about Obama, no one was thinking “fuck everybody” when they walked into the booth to vote for him. I don’t even think most Republicans felt that way about Romney or McCain when they voted for them. I guess they just hadn’t been radicalized yet. And you know what I just realized? Most of what we’ve had thrown at us in the past three years is probably less about genuine hate, and more about fear that is so deep-seated that they can’t even humble themselves enough to admit that they were wrong. Three straight years of “nuh uh!” To admit wrongdoing would be an admittance of fallibility. In other words, an admittance of weakness. “Uh... uh... but I’m not weak! You’re the weak one, snowflake!” I swear to God, these are lessons people used to learn in high school so they wouldn’t drag this irritating baggage into adulthood. And still, even when you look at this through the lens of fear, it’s still probably not that much different from the Nazis. No one would shoot a baby in the head unless they were afraid that baby would grow up to be part of an “infestation” that would endanger their “way of life.” Still think the comparisons people have been making between the GOP and Nazis are hyperbolic? Still that deep in denial? Even with a new story of humanitarian violations virtually every single day, do you really still think we’re immune to the repetitious patterns of the past? God’s gonna make an exception for America, right? Just because you’re using ‘his’ name? Have you ever actually thought about what that sort of thinking has manifested into throughout history? A lot of people have used religion to implement fascism. “The personification of the devil as the symbol of all evil assumes the living shape of the Jew.” “And the founder of Christianity made no secret indeed of his estimation of the Jewish people. When He found it necessary, He drove those enemies of the human race out of the Temple of God; because then, as always, they used religion as a means of advancing their commercial interests. But at that time Christ was nailed to the Cross for his attitude towards the Jews; whereas our modern Christians enter into party politics and when elections are being held they debase themselves to beg for Jewish votes. They even enter into political intrigues with the atheistic Jewish parties against the interests of their own Christian nation.” Both of those quotes are from Hitler. But tell me again how we need more “God” in this country, when over 70% identifies as Christian. Tell me more about how this thinking doesn’t align with that of the modern right-winger. Tell me how this isn’t a Mad Libs version of Fox News, with the word “Jews” replaced with “illegal immigrants.” Tell me again that religion had nothing to do with World War 2. Go ahead. I dare you. Those who seek omnipotent power use the tools that describe omnipotent power to guide them. We are not an anomaly. We are on the fast track to becoming the great neo-fascist superpower of the 21st century. Right-wingers merely want to exalt themselves as the leaders of this encroaching era. They run from fear, and straight into the arms of control. Because without control, all they are is scared. With control, they can pass that fear off onto everybody else. They want us to be fucking Gilead. Listen to any speech by Mike Pence and tell me otherwise. Deep down, that’s what they want. Deep down, they’re fucking Nazis.

So, one of two things is happening here: 1. He’s such a senile old milksop that he actually believes this. 2. He’s only saying it because he’s a wannabe dictator who’s already in the process of gaslighting his dipshit base so they won’t accept the results of the 2020 election if he loses. Either way, this motherfucker deserves to be dragged out of the Oval Office in handcuffs. If you honestly believe this for one second, I’ve got a piece of Trump University property on Bowling Green to sell you.

And so it begins. #itsalwayssunnyinphiladelphia

For the first time in three years, I feel like I’m finally starting to build a healthy, tight group of friends and colleagues. Cut the assholes out of your life. It’s worth it. You don’t need anyone around you who makes you feel small. Your friends should lift you up, and intellectually stimulate you. It’s extremely hard at times, and you will occasionally feel utterly alone. But the only solution is to surround yourself with people you trust, and who don’t make you go, “what the fuck is this dickhead talking about?” Or, “so-and-so is coming over, time to hide the DVDs.” For me, it had to start with getting rid of basically everyone but my girlfriend and my stepson and a handful of close friends. Trump supporters were a no-brainer: fuck all of them. You can’t trust a single one of them. They have garbage beliefs and you will never change their minds about anything. Their actions will eventually reflect what they believe. Everyone around them will pay for it. From there, I also had to cut out the naive neoliberal centrist hippies who think being angry at Nazis is just as bad as being a Nazi. At the end of the day most of them are just fake woke holier-than-thou hedonists who use their numbness and indifference to everything going on around them as a clever front for arrogance anyway. “Just chiiiiilll broooo, chillllll! It’s all goooood!” No it’s fucking not. Fuck them, too. And their emotion shaming bullshit. You should be able to bounce ideas off of friends. Talk about things you like, and things you hate. Elevate each other’s creativity. Empower each other. And sure, there will be bumps in the road. There will be disagreements and conflicts. But no matter what, you should feel a sense of respect for each other. The worst times in my life have been when I tried to fit people into a box in my own mind; catered to them, even if I didn’t feel right about it. Please them. Be “favored.” I promise you, if you’re not favored early on, you’re never going to be. “Quid-pro-quo,” outside of work, is a crock of shit. No one is so fucking important that you should have to slave away, “earning” their respect by kissing their asses. Yes, deep respect is earned. But everyone is entitled to basic respect, and you can tell a lot about a person based on how they initially treat strangers. I will hold the door open for anyone. But the minute you open your mouth and start talking about how we should get rid of all the immigrants, that’s when he have a fucking problem. That’s called boundaries, and boundaries are healthy. I see stories all over social media from people suffering because for one reason or another, they can’t bring themselves to sever ties with anyone. I see it on Twitter, I hear it in groups, I hear it all over the place. People cling to these relationships, insisting there is hope for these other people in their lives to change, when it’s just so clear that they never will. I saw this one story of a woman of color who’s married to a white Republican male, who tells her things like, “you need to act less black.” For the life of me, I can’t wrap my head around why a person of color would marry a white Republican. Maybe that makes me a judgmental dick, but that just seems like such an obvious recipe for disaster from the get-go. I imagine it’s hard enough to be a woman of color as it is, but a woman of color married to a white patriarch and xenophobe? How the hell is that supposed to work? Anyway, I’m hardly the qualified expert on interpersonal effectiveness, but I know what is working for me. And based on what I’m seeing, I think it would work for a lot of other people, too. This is a historically divided time in this country, but there’s a reason for it: some serious lines have been crossed. I saw a minivan with a Trump sticker right next to an “I love someone with Down Syndrome” sticker. And all I could think to myself was, “I won’t be surprised at all if they grow up to resent your ass for voting for the guy who mocked a disabled reporter on national television.” I wouldn’t trust a social worker who supported Trump around my kid. Again: boundaries. If you need a hard reset in your life, just fucking do it. There is a very strong likelihood that nothing is going to get better until you do.

Apart from the ones that are just flat-out dangerous, right-wing trolls are the most insufferable and obnoxious fucking people on the planet. When they’re not chiming in with their bad faith arguments and/or spreading misinformation, they’re laugh reacting at horrible shit that isn’t at all funny and mocking anyone who expresses any kind of emotion about things that absolutely should invoke emotion. 99% of what they do on and offline is deserving of a punch in the face. And oftentimes, that’s what they get. And then they cry about it like the self-victimizing little slugs they are. Bunch of Chris Cantwells fronting their fake masculinity all over the internet. I can’t wait until every single one of these rancid sacks of shit is rightfully, permanently disgraced and embarrassed for being the idiotic stain on modern civilization that they have been. I can’t wait until these cowards are forced to pretend they never supported any of this, so we can all call them out on their bullshit with the help of their thoroughly documented online histories. I can’t wait until human characteristics like empathy and sanity eventually find them stomped back into the fucking dirt of history where they belong. I look forward to shaming these bastards for the rest of my life. Call me “hateful,” I don’t give a fuck. I’m not the sociopathic little prick laugh reacting at topics like Nazis and the Holocaust. These pieces of shit don’t deserve the internet. They deserve one giant karmic bitch slap. And when they finally get it, which they will sooner or later, I am going to be laughing ten times harder, and cheering in the fucking streets.

When I get high (every now and then), I think to myself, “maybe mankind will tackle these issues like they’ve tackled everything else. Maybe it’ll all work out in the end, no matter what we do.” Then I sober up and I realize that’s a bunch of idealistic bullshit. Evolution doesn’t favor laziness. Start caring, or we’re all going to die.

Somebody should tell DJs in Colorado that it’s OK to be a DJ and be smart about other stuff, too.

All I see when I watch all these pearl-clutching pundits talk about Portland is rampant historical illiteracy; a superficial understanding of the world akin to that of a child. People who don’t pay attention to the news, or only pay attention to the things they want to, are dangerous, and here’s why: if every single person in this country was well-read on history, no sane person would side with the Proud Boys, because they’d understand that being in bed with Nazis puts you on a spectrum of acceptance with them. And anyone who actually knows what a Nazi is, and what they stand for, gets why this is bad. The people who don’t understand what a Nazi is (or flat-out just deny history, like Holocaust deniers) look at these scary people in masks with Mohawks and think, “oh my gosh, look at those normal looking people in MAGA hats adorned in Stars and Stripes, being oppressed by these freaky counterculture liberals!” It sounds shallow, but I really do think that’s as deep as the thinking goes for a lot of people. It’s the exact same ignorant paranoid shit that resulted in the “Satanic Panic” of the 80s, and the West Memphis 3. And on top of it all, you’ve got a “President” who conveniently ignores the absolute torrent of right-wing mass shooters directly inspired by his own stupid fucking rhetoric, taking full advantage of this epidemic of historical and media illiteracy, riling up these fucking dumbshits more and more. Advocating for non-violence and pacifism against the largest resurgence of white supremacy and ultranationalism in modern American history is, yet again, a reflection of historical illiteracy. You will never, ever, in a million years, be able to sit down with people who support actual genocide, i.e. the erasure of anyone who doesn’t look and think like them, and sing fucking Kumbaya. It’s an 8th grade understanding of the Civil Rights movement, and a complete lack of understanding of what World War 2 was actually about. But why should this surprise me? These are the same fucking assholes who think the Civil War wasn’t about slavery. Rational people look at these buzzcut douchebags holding hands with the KKK and say, "I want to be as far and away removed from these freaks and their hateful ideologies as possible." Stupid people look at them and say, "well, they're just exercising their freedoms. I think I'll defend them." And it's been hammered into the minds of right-wing rubes over and over again by right-wing media that being an evil hate-filled piece of shit is part of what it means to be "free," even though being an evil, hate-filled piece of shit is what directly leads to the removal of freedoms for others. But they're too busy thinking about their fucking guns to wrap their heads around any of the other things that make "freedom" what it is. Freedom is the right to go to school without getting shot. Freedom is the right to be gay without being bullied into suicide. For this crowd, "freedom" is the right to do those things. And they justify it all, by saying things like "the KKK were Democrats." I reiterate, it's a reflection of their historical illiteracy. The Southern Strategy doesn't exist to them. The party shift is a "myth," they say. The fact that these hate groups all outwardly worship Trump now is irrelevant to them. They have a made-up version of history in their own heads, cherry-picked to favor only their views of the world. “The KKK were Democrats.” Yeah, and I was a 120-pound goth in high school. What’s your fucking point? “Nazis were socialists.” Yeah, and Kid Rock is still a rock star. I can make shit up, too. Nazis were fascists who labeled themselves socialists. Hitler created an autarky. Use Google for once in your goddamn lives without having a conniption fit because the results don’t line up with what you believe. If they knew history, they'd know Joseph Goebbels used propaganda to breed the exact same unwarranted self-victimization that is being bred in the United States, right now. When you enable these ideologies, they spread like a disease, and the historical outcome of allowing them to spread unchallenged has always and will always be war and genocide. For fuck's sake, IT'S HAPPENING. They already don't consider undocumented migrants human. Just because the excuse is different, and they're trying to launder their bigotry through their spontaneous, inexplicable support of Isreal doesn't mean shit. If you want to round up people of a certain demographic and starve them, it's the same fucking thing. "Antifa" is just another label the right uses to categorize people, like they always have, throughout history, to justify their own fascism. And the world has reached peak stupid, so even an abbreviation of "anti-fascist" isn't enough to clue these dipshits in. Even in the 1950s, when the fake white cookie cutter American Dream was in full swing, goose-stepping down the street was a one-way ticket to the hospital, because the memories were still fresh. We don't say "those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it" just because it fucking sounds fancy. That's exactly what's happening, and it has been spearheaded by this bullshit millennial quantum positivity culture social norm that encourages silence about "negative" things, and just putting on blinders and obsessing about your own fucking happiness. Every single member of the “stop talking about politics” crowd is part of the problem. The two-party system + the internet & social media's ability to rapidly spread misinformation and propaganda + encouraged ignorance, including ignorance of what elected officials are doing = fascism. Andy Ngo's poor busted face < the ethnic cleansing of millions of people. It's almost like Trump saying he's going to declare anti-fascists terrorists should be a red flag to anyone who hasn't been lobotomized. This movement needs to be stopped, and if it has to be stopped by force, then so be it.

“Antifa are the real terrorists!” “The climate has always been changing!” “Evolution is a myth!” “The Earth is flat!” It’s all the fucking same shit. Just a complete rejection of reality. When I say these people are living in an “alternate reality,” it’s barely an exaggeration. They live in a world where literally any fact that contradicts their biases is swiftly rejected. The cognitive dissonance is astounding. It’s why I don’t waste my time engaging with them anymore, unless it’s for my own amusement and/or the amusement of other people with functioning brains. Imagine how ass backwards and insane all of this shit is going to look in 40 years to people who didn’t live through it. Assuming we actually mitigate climate change, and our world “leaders” don’t stumblefuck us into a nuclear war, I really wouldn’t be surprised if historians refer to this as “the Age of the Idiot.”

I still can’t believe what a petty, childish piece of shit the President of the United States is. “He tells it like it is.” Like it is for who, exactly? Like it is for 12-year-old bullies who pin kids to their lockers and demand their lunch money? 63 million people voted for this bag of asses. That still blows my fucking mind.

Electronic music has lost its way. I’m merely trying not to lose mine.

“Recall Polis” petitioners at the King Soopers parking lot on Chatfield and Wadsworth, right down the street from fucking Columbine. I hear eggs are on sale, too. Just... uh... throwing it out there.

Me, eating lunch, eavesdropping on the next table: Guy: “This country is so divided.” Me: Oh boy, here we go... Guy: “You know what this country needs more of?” Me: Don’t say it. Guy: “God.” Me: Fuck. Check, please?

Imagine being such a fragile, insecure, deluded, scum-sucking little wimp that seeing a 16-year-old girl with Asperger’s sailing across the world to bring awareness to climate change makes you upset to the point that you shit out defaming articles about her and tweet at her that you hope she dies at sea. Fuck right-wingers and all the God awful bullshit they think, say and do.

I can’t believe the guy who inherited millions of dollars from his father and somehow couldn’t manage to sell steak, vodka or gambling to Americans has bad economic policies that don’t favor working class Americans, he said as sarcastically as humanly possible.

Who could’ve predicted that handing the reins to the functionally illiterate sundowning draft-dodger born sucking on a silver spoon with a laundered history of racism dating back to the 1970s and a penchant for molesting everything that moves before bragging about it to anyone willing to listen was a bad idea? Oh yeah, everyone who doesn’t think 2+2=the devil.

This July was the hottest month on record for the entire world, and Arctic sea ice hit an all-time low. Also, Greenland lost 55 billion tons of ice in just July and August. But climate change isn’t real, eh? Stupid fucks.

Yield-curve inversions tend to precede recessions by 15 months on average. So what’s probably going to happen is if Trump doesn’t get re-elected in 2020, and a recession hits, his supporters will blame the winning Democrat and the theocratic domestic terrorist crazy train will just keep going. History doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes. Obama had to clean up Bush Jr.’s mess in 2008. The main difference is that Trump is such an incompetent jackass, he’ll manage to destroy the economy in half the time it usually takes Republicans. Except this time, the brunt of the damage won’t just be dealt to subprime mortgages like it was in 2007. The devaluation of currency is going to cause hyper-inflation that many strategists are saying will result in a depression worse than the Great Depression of the 1930s. By the way, I’m getting a lot of this info from Peter Schiff on MarketWatch, who predicted the last economic recession. But why listen to the people who actually know what the fuck they’re talking about, when you can listen to the preteen-in-chief as he incoherently blathers on about “the Fed” and “China” and every other thing he barely has a tentative understanding of? Buckle up, kids, because this ride is just getting started.

‪Why do most DJ accounts read like the narcissistic monosyllabic musings of 13-year-olds? Was the scene always this stupid and I just didn’t notice, or has it gotten exponentially worse due to the sheer accessibility and ease-of-use of the technology now?‬ For Christ’s sake, it used to be led by people like Moby, who would put these lengthy environmentalist and animal rights rants in the booklets of his albums, or rebel synth-punk hybrids like Prodigy, and now it’s led by people who sound like Charlie Kelly on Twitter and stand for basically nothing. Practically the only people who ever tell me to “shut up about politics” anymore are these insipid, borderline illiterate local DJs who think they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread because they have a residency at some hole-in-the-wall strip club and opened for Carl Cox one time 20 years ago. Or aging kandi kids who are so fried from ecstasy or whatever other trash designer drugs they’ve been shoveling into their faces for years that they can’t help but think being against Nazis is the same as being Nazis. It’s no wonder the Trump Presidency tore through the scene like a dumb sickle, leaving what appears to be mostly shitty assholes standing. 21st century capitalism consistently favors the absolute worst people in the world. What other explanation is there for the fact that so, so many billionaires are pedophiles with ties to vast networks of human trafficking? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m starting to think a prerequisite for being rich is to be cryptically evil, and a prerequisite for being popular is to be terminally vapid. Or maybe I’m just a bitter asshole now. Either way, I’m exhausted from all of these idiots walking around. I don’t remember there always being so many. Like, fuck, you can’t throw a rock without hitting some MAGA who doesn’t know the difference between “there” and “they’re.” It’s hard to say Russia “interfered.” I think they just took advantage of an epidemic of the Dunning-Kruger Effect. This entire country always wants to blame somebody else for the fact that we’re mostly just a sea of greedy waterbrains now. Trump is merely the personification of how much literally everything sucks. If you think I’m way off the mark, and you can change my mind, go right ahead. Give it a shot. But know that your argument loses credit if you write like a 3rd grader, you have nothing to contribute but pearl-clutching whining about my naughty language, and/or you’re just going to fling ad-hominem insults at me about my supposed character flaws of being against fascism and fake quantum positivity culture that says, “sit down, shut up, do nothing, and hope it all works out for the best.” Seriously. Fucking stimulate me. I’m getting set in my ways as a curmudgeonly dick, and I’m only 31 years old. Intellectually challenge me, or at least play Devil’s Advocate. Please. I need it. I’m honestly sick and tired of feeling like the smartest person in the fucking room.