I did not realise today is world mental health day. Funnily enough I spent some time this morning with my Harley Street psychiatrist ( I’m still under psychiatric care ). I am Steven Rutter From B12 and FireScope Records - I am a co-dependant person that suffers from manic depression (bi-polar) with anxiety and PTSD. These are just labels for my gifts ; the gifts that make me who I am ; they give me the sensitivity to create music with feeling and depth. To have empathy with people and see beyond what is in front of me. I am grateful for these labels/gifts. Take a look in the mirror and what is there in front of you ; despite what your head tells you is a beautiful miracle; both individual and a member of a collective consciousness that as yet we can’t understand. Like attracts like my lovelies ; the people we identify with and feel close to are reflections on our souls; we see in them what they see in us. Surrounding ourselves with ‘like’ people is a good thing ; to be understood without words is beautiful. As usual I ramble on but my words are here ; on this post ; they won’t go away. Love yourself ; for self love is one of greatest things (I just wish I could sustain it for more than just a few fleeting moments) Steve X World Mental Health Day
Laying in bed this morning thinking about what a beautiful day yesterday was 22rpm : An All-Day Electronic Music Festival I love this vibe ; everyone around was wonderful : the music was incredible and the the fans again ; god bless you all ; I appreciate every single one of you ; I appreciate every single person that comes to speak to me. Honestly I really do. I was totally snubbed by Derek May when I met him in the early 90’s and I loved his music it was a kick in the guts especially as I was trying to give him a copy of B1201 and we were his support djs. I am on the total opposite of this ; I want to talk to you all ; hear your stories ; what you think about things for without this then I am nothing ; we all need each other and we are all interlinked. Bryonii was incredible ; I love working with her and she is a gift from above. Ami Amelie (dance) what a wonderful lady I think she will be a permanent feature ; I said I like to do things different and I hope that was achieved :-) Andrew Dobson Digitlonal - your music is so good I was scared to follow you (please give me a FireScope Records ep) Armajit Virdi thank you for coming and representing Shure UK ; Jamie Exalt the T-Shirt man - always there always with amazing stuff ( work with this guy ) ; David Watson great to see you ( he know works with me on Graphic Design work ) There are far far too many people to shout out to so please if your name is not here you are still 100% in my thoughts. Léigh Bit-Phalanx (another lovely person ) & Coppe' Sweetrice thank you for asking me I hope I delivered. I did stream some of the show but deleted the video so subsequently I did not see any comments or posts that were made, any feedback either here or personal message I would VERY much appreciate and any video or photos please please please send them to me Peace and Love to everyone xxxxxxx
This time last year (8th) I was preparing to perform electro soma for the first time in Camden. It was a life changing experience for Me. And also I think for the crowd. A perfect moment we all shared. There were many watery eyes including mine as I am a bit of a crier. Well a lot of a crier :-) So today at 16:45 I perform again at 22rpm; this time a 50/50 set; techno music and then techno plus vocals courtesy of the incredible Bryonii. I am super exited I have so much faith in what we do I hope those that are coming enjoy it. As an added bonus we will have an amazing dancer on stage the lovely Ami Amelie I personally like to do things against the norm and not what’s expected. So today I share this with you all Steve Xxxx
I have Pre-Gig anxiety ! – What does it look like and feel like to me ? Its not about being nervous as I am not – Its the destruction my own head reaps upon me, questions going round and round in my head, questions I struggle to answer. It feels like laying on the floor in a locked room with no escape and 20 people encircling me asking all these questions at the same time over and over without respite. Here is a small sample of questions there are dozens more and they do not stop. They DrAiN me Shall I drive to the venue? Shall I get the Train? is a 45 slot long enough? Will people be there at 16:45? Are they good tracks I selected? Will people walk out when I play? Will people enjoy a hybrid set music/vocals? Do I understand the technology enough to perform a vocal set? Can I control the music flow and provide a stable environment for Bryonii? What tracks should I do? Shall I change them? Shall I decide on the day? How shall I transport the gear? Which flight case? Have I got enough time to set up? Enough time to break down? Will I fit in with the other music people? Why am I a square peg in a round hole? What shall I wear?
FireScope Records https://www.facebook.com/FireScopeRecords/posts/1956236877922039
I saw a post the other day about the face of depression. It was a powerful piece; I identified with it and found it moving. I wanted to share pictures with you. In all these I am totally and utterly depressed and broken. I keep going; I have family and friends and something to share to those that listen. I make strange posts like this; not for pity; no not at all - just to share my undeniable truth with people that I believe are genuinely interested. Fellow sufferers - you are not alone and you are loved. XxxxxxxX
Next up ; [we] will perform a hybrid set on 7th October at 22rpm festival. I will play live ( possibly some tracks from my forthcoming ep and album ) AND my amazing friend Bryonii (note the subtle name change) will join me on vocals to perform songs from our current ep Fs006 - In Vain and forthcoming tracks from our secret album :-) A gorgeous blend of techno and vocal lushness Xxxx